Inventing A Winning Outcome: What’s Bobby to do? How does he get from this fearful, angry state to where he wants to go? Is there a way to get there without a fight?
This is a very complex topic. I can’t do it justice here and doing it in a half-baked fashion won’t do you much good. (For those of you who may not have read the story, we’re basically discussing dealing with very complex, emotionally laden issues in effective ways, to create successful outcomes, rather than leaving them to fester, unresolved.)
What I can do is take a step back from the scene and try to give you a framework for getting your arms around a similar situation in your company or in your family. Without getting bogged down in every possibility, let’s look at the key ingredients for creating a successful outcome.
A hint can be found in the title of this section. Bobby can go a long way toward creating a winning outcome for the family business, which includes the role that he would like to play.
Instead of waiting for things to happen, the principals can rewrite their unpleasant assumptions and create an outcome that works for everyone. We can use an OODA Loop (Observe, Orient, Decide, Act) as a template for mounting a program for the principles to use in generating the best outcome for the business.
Observing: First and foremost, Bobby must take stock of himself and prepare to be constructive in going forward with his dad and uncle. He must control the things that he can control, which are his thoughts and feelings. Bobby’s heart can easily get in the way of a productive solution here. He knows some things for certain. He has some fears and worries.
There is a lot that’s ambiguous. He’s been filling in the blanks in his knowledge with suppositions and assumptions. This is where people often get into trouble. Their fears give rise to assumptions, and if they aren’t careful, those assumptions take on a life of their own and can be treated, over time, as if they are facts by people in tense situations. Once people start treating assumptions as facts they often become self-fulfilling.
Bobby can take a preliminary inventory.
- What does he know for sure?
- What has occurred?
- What has been said, as close to exactly as possible?
- Are their legal arrangements, plans or contracts in place relating to his issues?
- What is he assuming?
- What does he feel/think about his dad and/or uncle’s positions, without having hard evidence to prove?
- What is he worried about – bottom line?
- What would the ideal solution be, from Bobby’s perspective?
- Dad and Uncle (or all participants) will need to work this step as well.
They may need some outside help to surface issues, and clarify concerns. If such help is going to be sought, this is the place where it should occur.
However, if we work for a common good, there is less likelihood of contention. Once outsiders who are experts at contention are involved, its occurrence is more likely.
Orienting: Here, we’re talking about clarifying the future that he wants to create. He needs to identify what he wants, and have a good idea about what he’ll settle for, realistically.
That is only one layer, however. In order to avoid a contentious wrangling over who gets what – I’d recommend that we reframe this as a business issue, first.
Think about it; the more the decision is based on, “what I want,” versus “what they should get,” the door is open for this to be more heavily influenced by emotion than reason. Bobby thinks that he has a solid business case for his position.
He should present his issues within a business context. What is the best future for the company? (If everyone says, “Oh gee, Bobby, we agree. We just hadn’t said it to anyone beside ourselves. Let’s call the lawyer and make it happen,” he’s finished with this process and doesn’t need the rest of this tool, at this time.)
But, before we jump too far ahead, let’s look at this step more fully.